Would you swap your unlocked cell phone with your significant other?

One of the guilty-pleasure reality TV shows Corinne and I watch is Married at First Sight (Confessions of a Reality TV Junkie). Three “experts” match singles who meet for the first time just before they tie the knot. After eight weeks of marriage, they have to decide whether to stay married or get divorced.

In the more recent seasons (as with many of these types of shows), the matches seem to be more for ratings than success. Over the course of each season, the couples receive tasks or activities from the experts to promote communication, trust, intimacy on a very accelerated timeline. A few seasons back, one of the tasks was to trade unlocked cell phones📱, allowing the new spouses to see what was on their partner’s phone.

As you can imagine, reactions were mixed. Some spouses said they had nothing to hide and handed over their phones. Others literally walked out because they were so against the idea. Granted, these are people who just met the other person a few weeks prior. I would probably be hesitant to turn my phone over to someone I had just recently met.

But it begs the question…in a typical relationship, would you be willing to do the same? And the bigger question, why or why not?

Dennis never knew the passcode for my phone, but (and it’s a big but) mine is on a company plan and I’m required to change the passcode every 90 days. I do facial recognition, but even I have to keep it written down for the first couple of weeks so I’ll remember. That said, if he asked to see my phone, I didn’t have a problem with it.

And I knew the passcode to Dennis’s phone. (I know the passcode to Corinne’s too, but I feel that’s my responsibility as a parent more than anything else.) He used to say he had nothing to hide, and he really didn’t. I knew all the friends he had who he called “girlfriends.” I knew when he was on the phone with his ex. He befriended a woman who worked at a medical lab and regularly sent souvenirs after our vacations. And he stayed in touch with a woman he purchased a monitor from on eBay, exchanging stories about their families and their jobs.

I knew these things because he told me. Dennis was a relentless flirt. He was ridiculously jealous himself, but it didn’t phase me. (I get that from my dad.) Someone asked me once if it ever bothered me, and I told them that I wasn’t worried about it unless he hid it. And he never did. In fact, there were times that he would say something, and Corinne would look at him shocked and say, “You have a wife!” And I just laughed.

After Dennis passed, I reached out to all of the people he was in touch with because I knew which names to look for in his phone. I accessed his e-mail and responded to the most recent messages. He didn’t have any secrets in his cell phone…or in his e-mail…or in his desk drawers. He was pretty much an open book to me—well…except for the sheer number of watches and hard drives he kept for I have no idea what reason (The Therapy of Throwing Things Away (Or Not)). 🤦🏻‍♀️

There were no mysterious women in his life or unexpected relatives (he had enough relatives as it was). But a book I recently read about a woman facing her husband’s secrets after his sudden death made me appreciate Dennis’s lack of secrets. He used to tell people he didn’t drink or smoke or take any non-prescription drugs…that he was a boring date. I have to admit, I loved the boredom. 💜

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Book Review

⭐
1 Star for A Family Affair by Robyn Carr

320 pages
Publisher: Harlequin Trade Publishing/MIRA
Publication Date: April 5, 2022
I received an advance copy of this title from NetGalley and Harlequin Trade Publishing/MIRA.

Publisher’s Description

Anna McNichol knows how to take charge. Raised by a single mother, she’s worked to ensure her three children have every advantage she didn’t. And while her marriage has its problems, she values commitment and believes in “till death do us part.” Now an empty nester, she’s at the peak of her career and ready to seize the opportunity to focus on her future.

But life can change in an instant, and when her husband dies suddenly, Anna’s carefully constructed world falls apart. The mysterious young woman at the memorial service confirms her husband had been keeping secrets, and Anna is determined to get to the truth.

For once, she doesn’t have the answers. Her kids are struggling with their grief, her mother’s health is in decline and Anna needs closure. Faced with one challenge after another, she finds support from an unexpected source. And as she puts her life back together, Anna realizes the McNichols may not be perfect but they’ll always be family, and family is forever.

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Main Characters:

• Anna McNichol – a California superior court judge, recently widowed when her husband Chad had a heart attack on a rafting trip
• Jessie McNichol – Anna and Chad’s oldest daughter at 31, she is an internist in a private practice, broke up with her last boyfriend a year ago
• Mike McNichol – Anna and Chad’s son, 28, he is a teacher, dating Jenn, thinks his father was perfect in every way
• Bess (short for Elizabeth) McNichol – Anna and Chad’s youngest at 24, she is a law student on the autism spectrum with Asperger’s
• Joe – Chad’s best friend and Anna’s friend for the 30 years she and Chad were married. He divorced his wife Arlene 20 years ago but was still very much a family friend
• Amy – a young woman, pregnant in her late 20s, appears at Chad’s funeral

I requested this title for a couple of reasons, the first being the description and what sounded like an interesting premise. The second was seasons 1 and 2 of the Virgin River Netflix series, which I binge-watched in late 2020.

Though I hadn’t read any of the 22 books in the series, I believe, most of the time, the book is better than the movie or TV show. Robyn Carr authored the book series. I had never read anything by Carr, despite her 60+ novels and status on the New York Times Best Seller List. Clearly, she has a following.

Based on my enjoyment of Virgin River, when this title popped up as an option, I thought I would try it out. It already had some stellar reviews, especially from current fans. To be honest, if I had seen season 3 of Virgin River before making the request, I might not have made it. I disliked that season, and I disliked this book…for a lot of the same reasons.

One of my favorite things about reading is getting lost in the descriptions by my favorite authors, being able to picture what they’re describing. This book read like a choppy book report. This happened, and then this happened, and then this happened.

It felt like a lot of self-talk with some conversations dropped into the mix. Transitions were non-existent, and whenever Anna talked about her kids, she talked about every kid. Jessie this, Mike that, Bess the other. It reminded me of a TV show where each actor recites a line in turn, like everyone has to have the same amount of screen time. It was awkward in a lot of parts and dragged down the story.

Other things that pulled me out of the story every time were things that just didn’t ring true. Some examples:

• Bess is on the autism spectrum with Asperger’s. First, the author mentions this so many times that it’s exhausting. But then the family talks about her as if she’s just a little quirky and odd. She’s described as being a “creature of habit.” They mention her “rather unique personality.” Autism is not a personality trait.
• There’s a neurosurgeon who talks to Jessie like he’s a therapist and a therapist who “diagnoses” her with being an introvert. I’m sorry, I knew well before my late 20s that I’m an introvert. Jessie’s toxic personality is not because she’s an introvert. With all of the irritability and the headaches, I seriously thought she was going to end up having a brain tumor and that the neurosurgeon would save her.
• Anna does a DNA ancestry test early in the story, and the website returns “a catalog” of possible matches based on her ethnicities but we don’t hear about potential familial matches. We come back to that story line 85% into the book when everything is wrapping up. Pretty irrelevant to everything else in the book and certainly not worth pursuing this late in the story in my opinion.
• The dialog that is included is so incredibly awkward. At one point, one character asks another “Did you take a lover?” Who talks like that?

In addition to all of those challenges, I think the only likeable character in the whole book is Amy, and she appears very little but is portrayed as being a key part of the story. Jessie and Mike are childish and mean. Bess barely has a story line because she’s away at law school. Anna is suspicious and unforgiving even as she preaches at the end of the book about forgiveness and trust.

Carr is a romance writer, and this is categorized as romance, but the two semi-explicit romantic encounters were kind of jarring and felt out of place in the context of this story. And I didn’t think they were particularly well-written.

There were so many things I highlighted as I read that I could continue to comment on, but I’m pretty sure you get the idea. This is a definite no for me, and I doubt I’ll be reading this author again.

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