When I met Dennis, he lived in New York, and I lived in Illinois. One day when we were talking about who would fly out first to meet in person, he told me, “Book a flight, and I’ll put the house on the market tomorrow.”🥰 Part of it was that he was terrified of flying, but the other part was he was that certain that finally meeting face-to-face would result in a wedding.

He owned. I rented. He had just started working with a new courier company on a commission basis. I worked as a proofreader and production manager for a magazine published by a consulting firm. My job paid better, and I had benefits. With Dennis being asthmatic, him moving to Illinois just made more sense.

We were in the process of packing up his house when I received a call from my boss to let me know that I needed to join a conference call…even though I was on vacation. Never a good sign. It was 2002, and the economic downturn after 9/11 necessitated some tough business decisions. The company had held off on layoffs as long as possible. They had stopped hiring. The partners took pay cuts, and then the staff took pay cuts. But that could only hold things over for so long.

While the entire magazine wasn’t at risk (yet), our editors were tasked with downsizing to a leaner staff and fewer issues per year. They hadn’t finalized those decisions yet, but they wanted all of us to know what was in the works.

Dennis and I were at a loss and had no idea what we should do. I called our editor-in-chief and told him that I wasn’t asking for special treatment. That said, I was literally in the middle of packing up a house in New York based on the assumption that I had a job. If there was a chance I would be laid off, it would be better to know so that I could adjust my plans. I mean, Dennis already had the house, and there was no point in both of us being out of work.

He told me that he couldn’t promise what might come down the line but that there wasn’t any scenario that they had mapped out right then without me in it. I trusted him then (and still would today), but Dennis and I still weren’t sure.

We called Dennis’s mom, who, of course, wanted us to stay in New York. We called my parents, who, of course, wanted us to come back to Illinois. I asked Dennis if there was anyone he could think of who could be objective. He called a friend who suggested that we continue with the move to Illinois because I still had a job with benefits, which was better than not having a job at all.

So we continued packing, and Dennis moved. Four months later, the entire magazine was cut.

I eventually went back to the same company, which got acquired by the company I work for now. It all worked out. But what if….

We thought about that occasionally over the years…what our lives might be like had we stayed in New York. I would have had to get a job in the city, and work-from-home wasn’t a thing then, so I would have been commuting from Queens. Once Corinne was born, she likely would have had to go to day care. I might not have gained back all the weight I had lost to that point 🤫…although we would have been able to get roti whenever we wanted, so who really knows.

On the flip side, I have no idea what profession I would be in. I didn’t start working in deployment and human resources until I went back to the same company. We probably wouldn’t have a three-bedroom home with a big backyard for Corinne. Dennis’s backyard was basically a concrete slab. It’s doubtful we would have moved to a bigger place since real estate in New York is outrageously expensive.

I’m sure I would have made friends, but I can’t imagine my life without the people in our current circle. My best friend Stephanie and I have never lived more than an hour apart. Our friend Aly, who is like another daughter to me and who Dennis called “Bud,” is about to join us for a third vacation. We never would have known her. And the friends we met through Corinne’s school friends? I can’t fathom going through his cancer treatment and his passing without Stephanie and them. And the time I was able to take off after he passed and after my mother passed might not have been an option depending on where I ended up working.

I’ve thought about it over the years…because we really thought about staying in New York. We had to consider it. Would life have been better? Maybe. Could it have been worse? Sure. And none of that takes away from where we are now. Could things be better now? Definitely. But could they be worse? Absolutely!

I did not discover Amanda Prowse until about four years ago. I happened to see a tweet by someone who was so excited to see The Girl in the Corner available for request on NetGalley. When I read the description, I requested the ARC, and I haven’t stopped because Prowse always makes me feel a lot of feelings.

When I was looking for something to read recently, I decided to look at some of her older works and found this one from 2015. And the feelings she made me feel this time? Take nothing for granted. The what ifs aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

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Book Review

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
5 Stars for Perfect Daughter by Amanda Prowse

369 pages
Publisher: Head of Zeus
Publication Date: July 2, 2015
Purchased on Amazon

Publisher’s Description

Once upon a time, Jacks Morgan had dreams.

She would have a career and travel the world. She would own a house on the beach and spend long nights with her boyfriend strolling under the stars.

But life had other ideas. First Martha came along, then Jonty. Then her mother moved in, and now their little terrace is bursting at the seams.

Jacks gave up on her dreams to look after her family. If only, just for once, her family would look after her….

************

Main Characters:

• Jacks (Jackie) Davies – 36 years old, quit working to take care of her mother Ida who suffers from dementia
• Pete Davies – also 36, grew up with Jacks and always had a thing for her, lays patios for work, had planned to be a professional soccer player but was unable to play after getting hurt in secondary/high school
• Martha Davies – Jacks and Pete’s 17-year-old daughter, has offers from a couple of universities assuming she gets A’s on her exams, wants to be a lawyer
• Jonty Davies – Jacks and Pete’s 8-year-old son, prone to telling Jacks he needs something for school the night before or the morning of
• Sven Lundgren – Jacks’ secondary/high school sweetheart before he and his family moved to Boston
• Gideon Parks – Martha’s 20-year-old boyfriend, has dreams of owning his own auto repair/customization shop

     

Another five-star read by Amanda Prowse…this one reminding us that the grass is not always greener on the other side. This is not a new book by Prowse, having been released in 2015, but it is definitely new to me.

Perfect Daughter takes us on a heartfelt journey with Jacks and her family. We meet Jacks and Pete on their wedding day, in their new home, excited about their future together, and awaiting the arrival of Martha.

When we move from the Prologue into chapter 1, we meet Jacks and Pete 18 years later. They still haven’t matched a lampshade to the wallpaper like they intended, boxes stacked in the hallway have become more like pieces of furniture. Their children, 17-year-old Martha and eight-year-old Jonty, forced to share a room since Jacks’ mother was moved in, shout questions from the top of the stairs. This home is lived in. This is an 18-year-old family, and Prowse’s descriptions are spot on.

“They had married soon after they had started dating and in those days slept skin to skin, her face pressed into his chest, arms and legs entwined. Any time separated was considered a waste…. Jacks crept from their bed and looked back at him as he screwed his eyes shut, wrinkled his nose and farted. She rolled her eyes. ‘Those were the days,’ she whispered.”

Through the book, the time frame mainly alternates between Jacks’ life in the present day and 19 years ago when Jacks was madly in love with Sven Lundgren. Sven was romantic and poetic and treated Jacks like his world revolved around her. They planned to marry and travel the world.

Jacks and Pete’s life now is normal and a little boring. She spends her days caring for her ailing mother, telling Martha where her clean shirts are, getting Jonty what he needs last-minute for school, and sending Pete off to work. Jacks worries about everyone else, and no one seems to worry about Jacks.

She focuses on ensuring that Martha will be off to university soon, making a real life for herself outside of their small town. What seems to carry her through each day are wistful memories and what ifs…until they can’t carry her anymore.

I don’t want to spoil anything by giving away the key moments. There is a lot to unpack in Jacks’ story, where she just wants a better life for her daughter than she feels she had. She feels exhausted and overwhelmed and on edge every waking moment. And she wonders how her life would have been different if only….

Once again, Prowse takes us all on a journey and forces us to take a hard look at the things we might just be taking for granted.

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