Story for the Week
If you haven’t heard the man vs. bear debate, you either aren’t active on any social media platform or you live under a rock. 😉
It’s believed the debate started from a viral TikTok video. The video posed the question to women asking whether they would rather be alone in the woods with a man they don’t know or a bear. Seven of eight women immediately said bear, no hesitation.
Since then, I’ve seen volatile debate on TikTok, X, and Threads. Some men are extremely supportive and suggest that everyone should listen to why women choose the bear. But the vitriol from men who are offended….
So why do we choose the bear?
If you ask any woman in your life if she has ever felt even slightly uncomfortable around a strange man, I would argue the answer would be yes. We have all probably heard the argument that it’s not all men. My response to that (and the response of many women) is that we agree it’s not all men. But we don’t know which men. We can’t always tell the difference between friend and foe. (Think Ted Bundy.)
My daughter attended her Senior Prom with a group of friends a couple of weeks ago, and the high school sponsored a midnight boat cruise after. While they took pictures together in various combinations, a boy came over and asked if he could get a picture. They assumed he was waiting for a picture in that spot because several groups were posing in the same area with the city skyline as a backdrop.
They told him sure, and as they finished up, he walked over to stand with Corinne’s friend. Her friend agreed to the photo, although she agreed later she shouldn’t have. He wasn’t friends with her. He had never met her, and didn’t even know her name. When another friend got between them and questioned why he wanted a picture, he said he thought her ass looked nice in the dress she was wearing. 🤨
We choose the bear.
Another school incident. This one happened in class. A boy at Corinne’s table said that his balls were his life makers whether it was consensual or not. Yes, she reported it to the teacher, and the teacher moved him to another table. The boy continued to stop at Corinne’s table to try to engage her in conversation even after he was moved.
We choose the bear.
Corinne and I were at dinner with my dad last week. He is definitely not on TikTok, X, or Threads. She posed the question to him…if she or her cousin were lost in the woods, would he prefer they encountered a bear or a strange man. He joked at first that he would question why they were in the woods to begin with. But then he said something very telling. If it was years ago, when he was their age, he would say a man. But now, he chose the bear.
Even my almost 84-year-old dad recognizes that, while wild, the bear is more predictable.
If you’re still unsure, consider this:
- Why do the women in your life know to walk with their keys in their hand, sticking out between their fingers?
- Why are women taught to always keep their hand over their drink and to never leave a drink unattended?
- Why are women taught to check under their car and their backseat before they get in the car and to lock the car door as soon as they get inside?
- Why are women taught not to wear clothing that’s too revealing?
- Why are women taught to never ever go anywhere with headphones in both ears so they can listen to their surroundings at all times?
- If you feel women need protection that you, as a man, provide, I would ask protect her from whom? 🤔
If you don’t know the answers to these questions, seek them out. Men who truly fall into the “not all men” category aren’t the ones we’re choosing the bear over. We appreciate you, and you can help by being vocal about the other men, the men who make women feel unsafe, the men you’re trying to protect us from.
For those who still don’t understand, I leave you with these images. Until these are the exception (and trust me, they are not) and not the rule, we will continue to choose the bear. 🐻
Book Review
⭐⭐⭐
3 Stars for When We Were Silent by Fiona McPhillips
320 pages
Publisher: Flatiron Books
Publication Date: May 21, 2024
I received an advance copy of this title from NetGalley and Flatiron Books in exchange for an honest review.
Publisher’s Description
Louise Manson is the newest student at Highfield Manor, Dublin’s most exclusive private school. It seems nearly perfect: the high arched window alcoves and tall granite pillars, the overspill of lilac at the front gate and the immaculate playing fields, the giggling students, the dusty, oak-lined library, and the dark, festering secret she has come to expose.
At first, Lou’s working-class status makes her the consummate outsider, though all that changes when she is befriended by the beautiful and wealthy Shauna Power. But Lou finds out that even Shauna is caught up in Highfield’s web, and her time there ends with a lifeless body sprawled at her feet.
Thirty years later, Lou has rebuilt her life after the harrowing events of the so-called “Highfield Affair,” when she gets a shocking phone call. Ronan Power, Shauna’s brother, is a high-profile lawyer bringing a lawsuit against the school. And he needs Lou to testify.
Now with a daughter and career to protect, the last thing Lou wants is for Highfield Manor to be back in her life. But to finally free herself and others, she has to confront her past, go to battle once more, and discover, for once and for all, what really happened at Highfield.
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Main Characters:
- Louise Manson – then, a transfer for her final year of secondary school to Highfield Manor in Dublin from a working-class family; now, a 48-year-old literature teacher married to Alex for three years and mother to teenage daughter Katie
- Shauna Power – then, a wealthy final year at Highfield Manor who befriends Louise, star of the swim team and Olympic hopeful; now, nothing is really known about her, lives offline with no social media presence
- Joe Forrester – then, a 19-year-old journalism student; now, an investigative journalist
- Melissa Courtney – then, a final year on the swimming team at Highfield Manor; now, a television personality who hosts a talent show
Trigger warning: sexual assault of minors
When We Were Silent delves into a tough topic, and there really is no escaping it. Many times, you’ll find a book with sexual assault as a plot point. The event might be mentioned in passing. It might be hinted at. In this book, it is really in your face throughout.
Louise Manson (Lou) works as a teacher at a private academy, not that different in atmosphere from Highfield. She seems to be happily married and has a teenage daughter who competes on the swim team. But when Ronan Power approaches her about testifying in a case against Highfield for the sexual assault of his client, a current student, we realize that Lou has not revealed everything from her past to Alex.
The book begins in the present day when Ronan approaches Lou about testifying. We only get four chapters of Lou’s current life (6% of the book), hints about what she may not have mentioned to Alex, and the seriousness of the secrets is not revealed until much later in the book. The story quickly shifts to Lou’s first and only year at Highfield when what is happening “again” happened then.
This felt like a longer read than it is, I think mainly because the reader keeps getting increasingly deeper into the depravity of what took place when Lou attended Highfield. We learn pretty early that Lou is attending Highfield by choice to get revenge for something that happened to her former girlfriend, who was Joe Forrester’s sister. Considering her age, Lou is definitely too confident that she can singlehandedly eke out her revenge. She knows no one at Highfield, and she certainly doesn’t fit in with the wealthy kids attending with her…until Shauna Power befriends her.
Lou’s relationship with Shauna nearly repeats the history of her relationship with Joe’s sister. I don’t want to reveal much more than that. As readers, we need the back story to appreciate the gravity of the present day, but the book is almost completely in the past.
Nearly 70% of the book focuses on Lou’s short time at Highfield. Considering the huge impact of her secrets on her current life, we needed more time on the “now,” but I don’t think we needed a longer book to get there. There were side sub-plots with Lou’s mother that didn’t add much and their elimination could improve the overall pace. I also would have liked to see a lot more of the current-day trial. It’s the impetus for the whole book, and it is barely mentioned.
All in all, the book makes for a solid read. The characters’ reactions to everything happening to them feels realistic in both timelines, and I especially appreciate how Lou and Shauna basically bury their pasts and try to pretend it never happened. This has all the intrigue and betrayal you would expect. It just takes a little too long to get to what should be a pretty shocking reveal.
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