Mom guilt (and dad guilt, I suppose) involves that inexplicable feeling of being responsible for something you can’t possibly control. You aren’t a good enough parent. You could do more or better for your kids and your family. It’s your fault when they hurt themselves because you didn’t prevent it.

Corinne inherited a nice mix of traits from her father and me. I always say she got her English brain from me and her math brain from her father. She plays guitar (like her dad) and trombone, and she loves to sing (like me) and perform. She can be amazingly and ridiculously indecisive (dad) and a monumental clutz (me). That last one…that’s the one we’re talking about today.

We went to see Cats at the theater recently. I hadn’t seen it since college, and I love the music. There were four of us—me, Corinne, my best friend Stephanie, and Corinne’s best friend Aly. Our first stop was the merchandise counter because…well, because…and once we were in the checkout process, Corinne and Aly went downstairs to use the restroom before the show started. Once we were finished, Stephanie headed down to the restroom, and I bought bottles of water for all of us and waited. At this point, there was nowhere to sit, and I don’t do well standing for very long, so my back was hurting and I wanted to go in to sit down.

Stephanie came back upstairs first, and Corinne had texted me that we might want to go in without her. Aly had been waiting for her, so Stephanie went to get her, and I transferred Corinne’s ticket to her in the Ticketmaster app. When Stephanie and Aly got upstairs, I texted Corinne that we were going into the theater, and reminded her that they would only let her in between musical numbers once the show starts.

At this point, she asked me to wait because she was coming “in a minute” and she couldn’t get into the app to accept the ticket. (I’m assuming that it was a Wi-Fi signal issue.) While this was going on, Aly decided that she wanted a soft drink. She texted us to ask if we wanted anything, but she didn’t get anything for Corinne since we didn’t know how long she was going to be. Right after Aly walked over with the three cups, Corinne texted back asking for a Dr. Pepper, and that’s when everything went downhill.

I know it was only a matter of a few minutes, but I started thinking about how her dad used to make me crazy this way. We would make plans to go somewhere, and he would say that we should go without him. As we would be getting ready to leave, he would ask us to wait because he had changed his mind. And then when we got where we were going (late), he always wanted to go home early.

Story for another day. Back to Corinne….

At this point, I had had it, and I texted her in all caps: “HURRY UP!” She found us a couple minutes later, and as we were going inside, she mentioned that she hit her head on the wall. She said she was ok, but I could tell that she was trying really hard not to cry. She explained that she was rushing up the stairs and tripped on the second stair from the landing. In trying to catch herself, she basically propelled herself head first into the wall.

I had her sit next to me during the show, and I kept asking if she was ok. After quite a few times, she finally admitted that her head really hurt and she felt off-balance. I asked her if she was feeling nauseated. When she asked why, I explained she might have given herself a mild concussion.

I kept her out of school the next day, and we went to urgent care that afternoon. She was sleeping and waking up just fine, but she was still feeling sick to her stomach and off-balance. The doctor there sent us to the ER for a head CT because it had been about 28 hours, and she was still experiencing symptoms.

Her head CT was clear (thank God), and it clearly didn’t impact her memory since she was doing honors pre-calculus homework in the waiting room. But she was off school for a week and out of P.E. for an additional two weeks. All because she was rushing upstairs from the restroom because I got annoyed.

I felt horrible. I still feel horrible. It’s amazing how quickly annoyance and anger dissipate and guilt sets in. I mean, it’s entirely possible she would have tripped even if I hadn’t been rushing her, but it’s more likely that she would have just walked up the stairs if I hadn’t sent that last text. And if she had hurt herself worse….

I don’t even want to think about all the things the urgent care doc said could have happened. I am still awash in my mom guilt. Maybe it never really goes away because there’s always something new to feel bad about. At least we laugh about it, and I will think twice about rushing her the next time because she definitely got those clumsy genes from me.

---

Book Review

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
5 Stars for All the Dangerous Things by Stacy Willingham

336 pages
Publisher: Minotaur Books
Publication Date: January 10, 2023
The Creepy Book Club selection for February 2023, purchased on Amazon.

Publisher’s Description

One year ago, Isabelle Drake’s life changed forever: her toddler son, Mason, was taken out of his crib in the middle of the night while she and her husband were asleep in the next room. With little evidence and few leads for the police to chase, the case quickly went cold. However, Isabelle cannot rest until Mason is returned to her―literally.

Except for the occasional catnap or small blackout where she loses track of time, she hasn’t slept in a year.

Isabelle’s entire existence now revolves around finding him, but she knows she can’t go on this way forever. In hopes of jarring loose a new witness or buried clue, she agrees to be interviewed by a true-crime podcaster―but his interest in Isabelle’s past makes her nervous. His incessant questioning paired with her severe insomnia has brought up uncomfortable memories from her own childhood, making Isabelle start to doubt her recollection of the night of Mason’s disappearance, as well as second-guess who she can trust… including herself. But she is determined to figure out the truth no matter where it leads.

************

Main Characters:

• Isabelle Drake – early 30s, former lifestyle reporter for the magazine The Grit, had to leave her job to be with Ben, has spent the past year speaking at true crime events in an attempt to find clues to her son Mason’s disappearance
• Benjamin Drake – editor-in-chief of The Grit, was married when he first met Isabelle
• Waylon Spencer – host of a true crime podcast
• Margaret – Isabelle’s younger sister by two years

Stacy Willingham’s sophomore novel made me immediately download her debut, A Flicker in the Dark, and I’m expecting to enjoy it just as much. The Prologue of All the Dangerous Things begins with Isabelle telling us that she is on day 364 without sleep. She doesn’t mean completely without sleep, of course, but she has spent the past year napping, unable to sleep, torturing herself over her son Mason’s disappearance.

The entire book comes from Isabelle’s perspective across three timelines: present day, about eight years prior when she first meets Ben, and when she was a child. In Chapter 1, she prepares to go on stage as the keynote speaker for a true crime convention—one day shy of the one-year anniversary of Mason’s disappearance. She gives her presentations on autopilot, having spoken so many times. She scans the audience for familiar faces, anyone who might be suspicious. On the plane home, she meets Waylon Spencer, who wants to share her story on his podcast in an effort to help her solve the case since the police have failed.

To top it off, Isabelle has started sleepwalking again, which she hasn’t done since she was a child. This brings up thoughts about her sister and events that happened that she can’t quite remember correctly. She is suspicious of her past and of herself and of pretty much everyone because she is so sleep-deprived that she can’t trust her own mind. Even as she believes she could not possibly be to blame, she can’t help but worry that she is responsible.

Isabelle is the definition of an unreliable narrator. Sleep deprivation can cause mood swings, anxiety, depression, confusion, paranoia, and “microsleeping,” which Isabelle’s doctor explains as periods of a few seconds to a few minutes where the body just dozes off. They can happen at any time and can’t be controlled. So can we really trust what she tells us as readers? Absolutely not. Does it make for an amazing psychological thriller? Absolutely!

I’m not giving anything else away. You will want to read this one and figure it out (or not) for yourself.

I love finding a new author who really knows how to tell a story. Stacy Willingham is one I’ll be adding to my list of must-read authors.

---

If you enjoyed this post, please comment below. Subscribe for regular updates, and share it with your friends. If you’re interested in starting a conversation, send an email to booksundertheblanket@gmail.com.

^{As an Amazon affiliate, I earn a small commission at no cost to you when you make a purchase using the links on my site.}