Books Under the Blanket (with a flashlight)

Six years ago today, our world changed forever…yet life is still filled with constant reminders of you.

When Dennis received a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer almost seven and a half years ago, he didn’t worry as much about dying as he did that we would forget him. I’ve talked about this before…usually around his birthday or our anniversary. And I always talk about it around the anniversary of the day that we lost him, which for the first time falls on a Sunday again.

We’ve moved forward in a lot of ways because that’s all you can do. I’ve made a lot of changes to our home in six years—updated insulation, new windows and window coverings, updated bathrooms, a new fence, a lot of new furniture. Our home is more my style than our style now. I ask Corinne and Rodolfo for their opinions because they live here too, but it’s definitely mostly my style. After we changed the living room furniture, one of Dennis’s cousins came to visit. His reaction, was immediate. “Wow, you definitely have different tastes.”

I put up the entertainment center I always told Dennis I wanted…along with the buffet cabinet in the kitchen that he thought would take up too much space. We bought a matching living room set because what we always had was pieced together from what we both owned separately before we got married. We bought new bedroom sets. I have no idea how old the wagon train dressers were that Dennis brought with him when he moved from New York, but they definitely had to go. 😉

But after all this time, I still don’t sleep in the middle of the bed. When I bought a new bedroom set, I positioned it on the opposite wall from where our bed had been. Dennis and I never really had sides in terms of right or left. He always slept closest to the door, just like he always walked closest to the street. Even when we traveled, he took the side closest to the door. I still sleep on the side furthest from the door.

I cleaned out his desk in the home office, and I use it as my work space. I gave my desk to Corinne (which is currently really used for storage), and I work where Dennis had his computer. He already had the desk in 2002 when we got married. Over the course of five years, it moved from his house in New York to a third-floor apartment…then to another third-floor apartment…then to a second-floor apartment…then to our current home. That last move cracked one of the legs, so once it made it into the house, it wasn’t moving. When we had the floors redone, the contractor propped up the desk so we wouldn’t have to actually move it out of the room because Dennis knew the leg wouldn’t survive.

It’s time to seriously consider a new desk at this point. Besides the cracked leg, the keyboard tray recently detached. Rodolfo and I played MacGyver to get it back into place, but I know it won’t last. One of the drawers sticks. I also work with two large monitors connected to my work laptop, so I could probably use a little more open space. Of course, that also means cleaning it off and cleaning it out. Anyone who knows me knows that my desk has always been my biggest trouble spot for clutter. So I have time to choose the best option because cleaning it out is going to take time. 🤣

We keep a fish tank in the living room even though it’s an annoying amount of upkeep, and we keep starting it over after all the fish inevitably die. After the last batch, we toyed with the idea of not getting more, but Dennis loved having a fish tank. Shortly after he died, all of the goldfish died in pretty quick succession. (Yes, we fed them.) We determined that he decided he wanted his goldfish. So we don’t buy goldfish, but we definitely keep the fish tank.

We had gotten a dog when Corinne was in grade school, but Dennis went through an entire inhaler in a week and a half trying to keep his asthma in check. So Koda moved in with my mom and dad, and I definitely wasn’t taking her away from them. I talked to my parents shortly after Dennis died because I felt like Corinne needed something for comfort, but I didn’t want them to think we were abandoning Koda. My mom suggested something small that Corinne could cuddle, which was exactly what I planned.

I knew I would have to replace the fence if I wanted to enclose the yard…or keep taking Oreo out on a leash, which was not fun in the winter. In the process, I also moved the fence back ten feet to our property line—something we had talked about since buying the house. With all the extra yard space, I decided to put up a gazebo in the middle of the back yard. And when it pulled out of the ground during a bad storm, I had someone come and literally cement a new one into the ground.

We recently replaced the cover because the top caved in during the winter, so it’s back to being the perfect place for me to relax and just be quiet. I love to read outside, but I need shade and comfort…and a battery-operated fan. 😉 Being outside in the yard also lets me just sit and think about Dennis in this home he found for us. Even though he’s gone, I still feel like he’s here. And as I sit outside writing this, I hope he knows how much we still think about him.

Those are the big things, but even the little things can be reminders. Years ago, when I still had to travel a couple of times of year for work, Dennis replaced something in the kitchen that I specifically asked him not to. I had always had a single faucet with a side sprayer. When Dennis lived in New York, his sink did not have the spot for the side sprayer, so he used a swivel faucet aerator that costs less than $10 at any hardware store.

When we replaced the faucet in our kitchen, we didn’t replace the sink, which has a hole for the side sprayer. So we bought a faucet that included the side sprayer. I told him that we didn’t need the aerator anymore, and there was a bit of debate about it. Eventually, he gave in…until the next time I had to travel for work. I came home to the aerator on the faucet. I didn’t understand why it was so important to him because Dennis never did the dishes, and I preferred the side sprayer.

It was not a battle I worried about winning because I could just use it without the aerator, so I left it. We’ve replaced it a couple of times because they’re inexpensive. They crack, especially when you have to take them off to use the hoses to do a water change on the fish tank (see above). Now six years later, when I could have easily gone back to the original faucet nozzle, I still have the last aerator we bought. And I think about that debate every time I use it.

One of the things Dennis came up with early in our relationship was the idea of not saying “goodbye.” As someone thinking he was living on borrowed time, he thought it felt too final. So we always said “love you, see you.” Corinne and I still say “love you, see you” instead of “goodbye.” Even my dad started using the phrase with Corinne when she was little and continues doing it today.

But Dennis also had a specific routine with Corinne when she went to bed. “Good night. Love you, see you. Sleep well. Sweet dreams. See you in the morning. Daddy loves you.” I have taken over that mantra…of course, saying “Mommy loves you.” When she was in Liverpool for a semester (The Beatles Make a Great Backdrop), I couldn’t tell her “see you in the morning.” It became a countdown of the number of mornings until she would be home. When she was working overnights at Denny’s it became “Good night. Love you, see you. Serve well. Sweet tips. See you in the morning.” As with many things in our lives, even though it’s different, there are still pieces of Dennis in everything.

When I plan my reviews around special anniversaries, sometimes I don’t even notice the anniversary is relevant until I put a book on my schedule and it’s perfect for that particular week. When I reviewed Jamie Beck’s The Beauty of Rain, the release date was Dennis’s birthday (Celebrate Life Before the Afterlife). I scheduled the post for Amanda Prowse’s Fifteen Minutes for my mom’s birthday, which also happened to fall on a Sunday this year (Who Would You Choose With the Gift of 15 Minutes?). When the Rain Ends by Mary Ellen Taylor told the story of a mother and daughter navigating a loss just as Corinne was writing college essays about facing a challenge…right around the third anniversary of when we lost Dennis (Navigating Obstacles and Life Lessons).

The book below releases in a few weeks. Knowing it was a soccer romance, it seemed like a nice tie-in for Dennis. He believed soccer is the only sport, and we always used to joke that he was my first child…because he really was a big kid. I even joked with my co-worker Jo that Dennis was definitely another baby, and that’s what this post was going to be about. (If you’re doubtful, just look at the photos in When My Passion Project is Somehow Way Ahead of Schedule, which literally shows it as a note for today’s review. Once I started highlighting the text, however, I realized that this book is Dennis’s annual reminder that he’s still around.

“I felt crappy and I wanted someone to take care of me. I want someone to bring me soup and flowers and rub my back.” One year we all got sidelined with the flu, and I was the last to get it. I don’t get sick very often, but when I do, it usually takes me out. I literally stayed in bed moaning, unable to get comfortable. Dennis really didn’t know what to do since he was always the one being taken care of…but he did bring me soup. And he always brought me flowers.😊

“Family isn’t necessarily blood. It’s the people who show up for you and have your back.” While Dennis went through treatment, we talked more than once about the people in our lives who showed up for us. I had zero issues taking time off work for Dennis’s treatment and after he died, and my colleagues were amazingly generous with gift cards. Our friends organized a meal train rotation to make sure we didn’t have to worry about cooking. One of our friends came and cleaned our house from top to bottom one day while Dennis was at chemo. She told me I was not allowed to say no when she told me she wanted to do it. People showed up for us, and I will forever be grateful for that.

“I can practically picture my sister’s face, with her trademark raised eyebrow.” The first time Corinne ever raised her eyebrow, my sister-in-law said, “Oh my God, she looks just like Dennis!” When she was in preschool, she could only raise one. By the time she was about five, she could do either one. She definitely doesn’t get that ability from me.

“You can tell they’re very close. I wonder what that must be like. I wonder if I’ll have that kind of relationship with my child. I hope I do.” I do have that relationship with Corinne. We have always had that relationship (That Mother/Daughter Bond Can Last a Lifetime). Going through what we went through with Dennis could have done a number on us. We were both going through it…but it just made our relationship stronger.

So while Be My Baby’s intro story could have been about Dennis being my other baby, the fact that it was so much a reminder of him was incredibly clear. Six years is a long time…and yet no time at all.

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Book Review

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
5 Stars for Be My Baby by Kathryn R. Biel

148 pages
Publisher: Resilient Books
Publication Date: October 6, 2026
I received an advance copy of this title directly from the author.

Publisher’s Description

Leora Deventhorpe has built her career managing other people’s disasters. As media relations director for the Boston Buzzards, she keeps the players polished, the press happy, and the chaos firmly at arm’s length.

Her personal life is another story.

Newly single, quietly pregnant, and not ready to tell a single soul, Leora is holding it together through sheer force of will. The last thing she needs is one more person on her plate—which is exactly when her boss hands her Crew Benequista.

He’s young, impulsive, and approximately one bad decision away from a PR catastrophe. Babysitting the rookie was not in her job description. Neither was noticing that beneath the charm and the chaos, he’s surprisingly steady. Fiercely loyal. Impossible not to trust.

While Leora is busy keeping his career from imploding, Crew is quietly doing something nobody asked him to do—showing up for her.

She was supposed to be the one taking care of him. Nobody warned her it would go both ways.

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Main Characters:

• Leora Deventhorpe – 29 years old, media relations manager for the Boston Buzzards, broke up with her boyfriend Ryan four weeks ago, reports directly to the owner of the team who asks her to keep an eye on Crew Benequista
• Crew Benequista – 21 years old, went pro when he was 16, moved up from the Boston Buzzards’ minor league affiliate team the previous year, doesn’t have a lot of experience with the media, has a half-brother and a step-sister
• Delilah – 31 years old, Leora’s older sister, struggling with fertility issues
• Eleanor – 21 years old, Leora and Delilah’s half-sister, they resent her because their mother claimed Delilah and Leora’s births ruined her life while she embraced motherhood with Eleanor
• Olivia Branch – runs social media for the Boston Buzzards, reports to Leora
• Bob Miller – owner of the Boston Buzzards, decides to add a code of conduct or morality clause to the player contracts

Trigger warning: infertility

This book adds such a fun couple to Kathryn R. Biel’s Boston Buzzards series! Career-driven media relations manager Leora faces an unplanned pregnancy. Crew, a young, up-and-coming star for the Boston Buzzards, exudes golden retriever energy. Both come from complicated blended families, but Crew’s family is definitely more tight-knit than Leora’s. When Leora ends up in a face-to-face exchange with her ex in front of Crew, he feels driven to come to her rescue. When he finds out about her pregnancy, which she doesn’t want anyone to know about, he becomes even more protective.

Both Leora and Crew feel an attraction, but they work for the same team, which complicates things. Leora is eight years older than Crew, who still lives at home with his parents…and then there’s the pregnancy. Add to that the Buzzards’ rules about fraternization and the new morality clause, and the two of them as a couple are a recipe for disaster. Do you think that stops them? (That would be a no. 😉)

I love how disciplined and family-oriented Crew is. He started playing professional soccer at 16, so he follows a strict regimen for exercise, sleep, and nutrition. But he’s young, and his immaturity off the field gets him into trouble. When a video goes viral after a piece of turf falls out of his shorts and gets mistaken for poop (borrowed from a real-life situation this past summer), Crew responds by making and wearing a t-shirt that says “I DIDN’T POOP MY PANTS.” Not the best way to save face with fans and the media.

Leora needs to keep him in check. But with morning sickness, keeping her pregnancy secret from her sister, and experiencing an unexpected attraction to Crew, he is the last person Leora wants to babysit.

Biel packs a lot into this relatively quick read. The book alternates between Leora and Crew’s points of view, which works really well. Leora excels at her job, and her ability to act quickly and her work ethic are evident. Early on, the story establishes the dynamic between Leora and Bob, the owner of the Buzzards and Leora’s immediate boss. They’ve worked together for a while, so when they discuss a youth event and Bob tells Leora he believes “the children are our future,” she doesn’t hesitate to snap back with, “Yes, you and Whitney Houston.” Bob doesn’t flinch. It’s obvious they hold a mutual respect for one another.

Crew, on the other hand, is reactionary and spontaneous. He means well, but he often makes more of a mess of things. One of Biel’s strengths as an author is her ability to create situations that give readers a perfect impression of what her characters are really like. After taking his scolding from Leora for the poop t-shirt, Crew feels a little nervous facing the media after a game. When asked what it’s like to be in the spotlight, he fails…in epic fashion.

I freeze, the blood in my veins turning to ice. In spite of this, I start to sweat. Then I start to stutter, seemingly unable to articulate any type of response. “I, uh…I mean, it’s…great. I guess. I didn’t know what it’d be like to be so exposed in my pubic life.”
The words are out before I can pull them back in. I never knew what the expression, “You could hear a pin drop,” really meant until this moment. I do the only sensible thing.
I stutter and splutter some more. “Not my pubic life, like my sex life or my pubic hair or anything. There’s no pictures floating around. At least none with my consent. I mean, my mom might have taken naked pictures of me as a baby, but I think that’s totally normal. Like in a Mom-way, not a pedophile way. It’s not creepy. And anyway, I didn’t have publ—”
There’s a hand over the mike.
Thank God.

This is only 28 pages in, so it sets a tone. 🤣

In addition to the excellent dialog and the relationship development between Leora and Crew, Biel tackles the family dynamics for each of them. One of the things I love about her writing is the way she tackles sometimes serious issues for her characters but keeps the story light.

Leora and her sister Delilah are extremely close. About halfway through the book, Leora can’t reach Delilah and thinks something happened to her. Let’s just say this was absolutely THE funniest scene in the book. I gasped…and then I laughed out loud. And I have to give Biel credit for her ability to paint a picture. Enough said. 🤫 You have to experience it for yourself.

This is the fifth stand-alone book in the series. Each book can be read on its own, and there are crossover characters, but you won’t miss anything by reading them out of order. That said, I highly encourage you to read them all. Amazing chemistry, closed-door romance, a couple of cute real-life Easter eggs, and fantastic dialog. You couldn’t really ask for anything more.

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