Story for the Week
Most people have heard Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. After we lost Dennis in September of 2020, I learned that those stages are not linear. Even after acceptance, I found myself dipping back into anger or depression. And I feel like denial creeps back in when I dream about him like he’s still alive.
For some reason, I’ve been thinking about grief a lot in the last few months. I’ve watched both A Man Called Otto, starring Tom Hanks, and Dan Levy’s Good Grief. I also recently discovered that P!nk’s “When I Get There,” released last year on Valentine’s Day, was in honor of her late father who she described as her first Valentine. Holidays always bring some piece of the grief back…the disbelief that it’s been so long but at the same time it feels like yesterday. We just passed our fourth Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day, and we’re approaching our fourth Valentine’s Day without Dennis on Wednesday.
I also think a part of it is Corinne’s upcoming high school graduation in May and her foray into college. It’s a milestone he was desperate to survive for, even though Corinne and I both knew he probably wouldn’t make it.
Several people told me at the time that it would not always hurt as badly as it did at first but that life would always be different. I was blessed to be able to take time away from work to just be sad and to feel what I had to feel, and those words still resonate with me now. It is different. Not a good different or a bad different. Just different.
There are, of course, times when we feel his absence acutely: Corinne’s theater and band performances, Homecomings, Proms, any school event really. Our first vacation without him, we had quite a few conversations about how different it was—more relaxing since Dennis had to have every second of every day planned out, but bittersweet nonetheless.
There are also things we do now that we would never have done if Dennis were still alive. Dennis was over-protective with Corinne (and honestly, “over-protective” is an understatement). I am a lot more lenient and let her go out with her friends as long as I know where she is and what she’s doing. We take vacations with no plans but to relax. We plan staycations, which to Dennis was the ultimate waste of vacation time. We have dogs…three of them. We sleep in a lot more on the weekends.
This is our status quo—the acceptance of our new normal. Even though the holidays can still be a little tougher, there are definitely more good days than not good days, and for that, to quote Amanda Prowse, we are Very, Very Lucky.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Tell the people you love that you love them.
Book Review
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
5 Stars for Very, Very Lucky by Amanda Prowse
378 pages
Publisher: Lake Union Publishing
Publication Date: January 9, 2024
Purchased on Amazon.
Publisher’s Description
With kids to look after, an ailing mother and a neglected husband, life is full for Emma Fountain—too full, she realizes, when she wakes up in IKEA after falling asleep in one of the show beds. Only her crazy, funny best friend Roz keeps her sane. But when Roz climbs in through her bathroom window one day to deliver terrible news, Emma’s belief that she can find a way around any obstacle crumbles in the face of a problem she just can’t fix.
For recently widowed Thurston, life without his beloved wife of sixty-two years has lost all its joy and sense of purpose. That is until he finds himself driving his niece to work one day and meets Emma, whose busy days are the opposite of his own. As Thurston is drawn into the whirlwind of Emma’s chaotic life, and as his calming influence starts to bring her troubles into perspective, an unlikely friendship grows.
In a world where grief is the price we pay for love, can two very different people realize that the little things in life are precious, that love is all around us, and that, even after all, they might still be very, very lucky?
************
Main Characters:
- Emma Fountain – 50s, married to Brendan, mom to three kids (one grown), visits her mother regularly since the death of her father, works at a green grocer
- Thurston Brancher – almost 80, recently widowed after 62 years of marriage, contemplating suicide because of his grief
- Brendan – Emma’s husband, works in home renovation
- Nancy – Thurston’s niece, owns the green grocer where Emma works
- Martha – Emma and Brendan’s oldest child, early 20s, lives on her own
- Reggie – Emma and Brendan’s older son who lives at home and seems to have a difficult time in school, always calls Emma to come pick him up
- Alex – Emma and Brendan’s youngest, attends a prep school and is hyper-focused on the way they live versus the way his school friends live
- Roz – Emma’s best friend since childhood
- Margery – Nanny Marge, Emma’s widowed mother, lives alone but Emma goes to see her every day
Trigger warning: suicidal thoughts, elder abuse
I have said before that Amanda Prowse’s books make me feel all the feels, and her most recent tale is no exception. This beautiful novel navigates love and loss and provides a look at the unbelievable resilience of the human spirit. Told from the alternating perspectives of Emma and Thurston, we experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and share in their unexpected but sweet newfound friendship.
A frazzled working mom, Emma carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and feels she has to be everything for everyone. Since her father’s passing a year and a half prior and the firing of her mother’s carer, Emma feels obligated to check in on Margery several times each day. With a full and chaotic family life, Emma works for a local green grocer.
Emma and Brendan’s two sons live at home. Reggie is more sensitive, calling Emma almost daily to pick him up early from school. Alex, on scholarship at an upscale prep school, believes their working-class existence is somehow less worthy than those of his wealthy classmates. Martha lives away from home but hasn’t quite settled, and Emma struggles to keep straight the name of her current boyfriend. Brendan works hard to make sure the family has all the essentials, and he clearly adores Emma. Theirs is a constant and reliable love, and Brendan gives Emma a lot more grace than many spouses would give under similar circumstances.
Thurston has just lost his wife of 62 years and plans to leave his lonely life behind, thinking no one will miss him as much as he misses the love of his life. His only concern is his beloved dog Rhubarb, but he still starts to set his plan in motion. When his sister asks him to drive his niece to work one day (Nancy owns the green grocer where Emma works), he and Emma strike up a conversation after a funny misunderstanding in the parking lot.
Both feel unusually at ease with one another. Emma confides in Thurston about all her concerns about her family, and Thurston offers advice to Emma like she is the daughter he and his wife never had. As Emma starts to understand she can’t do it all, Thurston feels less and less lonely.
There is so much to feel in this story. My heart broke for Thurston and Emma. As a mother myself, I felt Emma’s anxiety in her concern for her children and her mother. And then there are the bombshells that get dropped…whew, I can’t give those away. There’s a dash of humor too. When I tell you there’s a part with Armageddon chilies and a tub of home-made ice cream that made me laugh out loud…. You’ll know what I’m talking about when you read it. It was the middle of the night, and I was reading when I should have been sleeping. I laughed loud enough to wake up the puppy in the next room, and she started barking. (Apologies to my daughter because the puppy sleeps in her room.)
And as usual, I need to highlight Prowse’s ability to capture realistic moments, both heartbreaking and hilarious:
- “Her dad might have died eighteen months ago, but the loss of him sat at the base of her throat like something freshly drunk.”
- “…that one cotton nightie that allowed her boob to escape through the neck hole and come to rest at her throat….”
- ” ‘I’m sorry I called you an arsehole.’ Emma spoke directly. ‘Don’t be. I am an arsehole, but so are you. That’s why we love each other.’ “
Amanda Prowse will always be on my must-read list.
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